69. The Home Birth Story of Harper Elyse: Intense, Fast, and Unforgettable

In this episode, I share all the details of my positive home birth story with my third daughter, Harper! From navigating pregnancy decisions to the amazing, intense moment of welcoming my baby at home, I reflect on how this experience reinforced my passion for supporting others on their birth journeys as a midwife. 

What to expect:

• My decision behind choosing a home birth over a birth center or hospital birth…
• A detailed description of my recent home birth, including the emotions and challenges I faced…
• How my two older daughters were involved and met their new baby sister for the first time…
• The challenges of the immediate postpartum period…
• How I was able to stay in control even though labor progressed quickly…
• … and insights into how this experience has shaped my approach as a midwife and birth advocate.

Tune is as I recount this transformative experience and explore the deeper connection between autonomy in birth and a positive birth outcome. Whether you're considering a home birth or simply interested in empowering birth stories, this episode offers inspiration and practical insights for your own journey!

My Past Birth Stories:

Episode 2. A Traumatic First Hospital Birth: What I'd Change Now as a Midwife

Episode 4. My Healing Hospital Water Birth Story: From Trauma to Triumph 

🌸 Connect with Beth

Website - www.familyfocusedmidwifery.com
Instagram - @family.focused.midwifery
Pinterest - bethconnors_cnm
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👋 WHO AM I?

Welcome, friends! I am Beth, a certified nurse midwife, doula, and childbirth educator. My philosophy is rooted in autonomy, informed decision making, and positive mindset to help expecting parents plan for a beautiful, stress-free birth. I am here to provide value to YOU through tips and practical advice, either to guide you through pregnancy or to help you prepare for childbirth, postpartum and beyond. There’s no fluff here - only info that adds to your positive experience and saves you stress and uncertainty.

Transcript

Hello everyone and welcome back to episode 69 of Your Birth Bestie podcast! I am so excited to be back finally after taking a few weeks off adjusting to life with our third daughter. You guys have shown so much love and support and it means so much to have gotten all the messages at the end of my pregnancy as I was waiting for her to be born and then checking in on me postpartum. I am so grateful for family and friends but also the community that I’ve created over social media, so thank you, every message really means so much. But my husband and I with now our three daughters are doing really well and I can’t wait to share all about my home birth story with you in this episode and answer all of the questions I’ve been getting! I hope you enjoy and continue listening to episodes every Tuesday coming up, I have a lot of great topics planned!

The first question I want to answer right off the bat is why did I choose a home birth for this third birth experience over a hospital or birth center. If you’re curious what my other birth stories were like, I share those stories in episodes 2 and 4 of this podcast. My first experience in the hospital was pretty awful, I didn’t know I had choices during my pregnancy and just did whatever my hospital birth team told me to do in the moment and it pretty much went completely against how I would have wanted, despite having an unmedicated birth. My second birth was also in the hospital but I felt presured to induce early on since I had such a big baby with my first, so that stressed me out a bit, but overall the birth was great. I was part of the hospital’s water birth study and had a water birth that from first contraction to baby was less than an hour, so very very fast! 

So with all that, I knew I could have had an autonomous birth with the experience that I had and background as a midwife, but I didn’t want to have to fight the system just out of utilizing my energy elsewhere to focus on an indivdualized experience in my own home. It also had to do with the fact that I wanted to wait for spontaneous labor rather than the inductions I was encouraged to have with my first two babies. With my last labor being so short, I had a feeling that it was also going to be quick and I might not want or be able to leave home to go to the birth center or hospital, so being at home and planning for that seemed like a good idea. Overall, a home birth to me allowed me to fully take control of my experience and ensured my choices were respected and my care was personalized to my needs. Being in my own home I was comfortable, relaxed, and had no pressure or restrictions that would have occurred if I was somewhere else. And looking back, I wouldn’t have made it to another location, so defaulting to home was a great choice and I will share all the details!

Okay, so this was my third pregnancy. Everything was very similar prenatally than with my other two daughters, except this time around, I did not opt for an elective induction, I waited for spontaneous labor to occur. And I have thought about what is harder, the fatigue and morning sickness of the first trimester or literally the last week of pregnancy, and I stil can’t determine which is worse, so I’d be curious to hear what your thoughts are… but for me it was so hard not being in control of when she would be born. I was seeing other women have their babies and just hoping every night that my turn was next. I feel like after 39 weeks it was brutal, but especially passing my due date, and then passing 40 weeks and 2 days which is the longest I had every been pregnant before and fully convincing myself that I was going to be pregnant forever. 

I tried so hard to reframe my thoughts and instill confidence that my body and baby were made for birth and all the amazing affirmations that are so helpful, but the wait just about killed me which looking back is so silly because it feels like it went by in a blink, which I knew that would be the case.. But then my due date of July 8th came and went and the next appointment with my midwife came and went where I think I was like 4 or 5 cm dilated, with a thick cervix, and -1 station, so baby was coming down. I could definitely feel her super low way before my due date and had contractions consistently every few minutes for probably 4 or 5 weeks before she was born. Nothing painful, but cramping at the end of the day which I knew was normal and would completely go away during the day. But I knew my body was getting ready, doing all the natural labor induction methods to hopefully kickstart labor and I feel like the two days before I went into labor I just gave up and truly felt good in surrendering to the process and not trying to stress about it all. I definitely wasn’t going to be pregnant forever and it wasn’t up to me. So it took me awhile to learn that for myself even though I reassure other moms of that all the time. 

So it was the night of Sunday, July 14th, and I was so irritated about still being pregnant and I had a BPP or biophysical profile ultrasound the next day in the afternoon and it was a bit of a drive, I had to arrange childcare for it, and overall I just didn’t want to deal with anything medical at that point or advice from the maternal fetal medicine doctors to tell me what I should be doing, because I had already gotten a whole spiel during my 20 week ultrasound that because I have a history of big babies I shouldn’t be having a home birth and all that good stuff. Overall still feeling pretty great at this point but wasn’t thrilled about making it to that appointment. It was also my birthday on July 19th a few days later and I had never even considered being pregnant for that long. So overall just irritated going to bed that night, with no signs of labor other than the normal painless contractions I was feeling for weeks.

I woke up at 2:30 in the morning on July 15th with two really strong back to back contractions that felt different than the other ones I was having, but it was just two of them and didn’t keep me from falling back to sleep so I didn’t think much of it. I woke up again at 4am to another strong contraction and decided to wake up my husband and start timing them just because they felt a little stronger and I wasn’t able to sleep through them at that point, but I was still laying in bed trying to rest, thinking this hopefully was the start of labor. Contractions were every 2-3 minutes apart lasting about 1.5 minutes each and with the strength of the contractions I was hoping it wasn’t a false alarm, but also didn’t want to get my hopes up. 

I asked my husband to make me something for breakfast just in case things progressed quickly like my last labor and I got up brushed my teeth and got ready, really trying to distract myself through contractions. My husband quickly started setting up the tub, because that was something I really wanted to use and if it went fast again, I knew I might not have that much time to set that all up. 

I was pretty sure things were progressing at 4:30am so I called my mom because she was  going to be there for my older kids if they were to wake up, called my midwife, and my birth photographer. I let them know I think things were starting, but wasn’t completely convinced yet and didn’t want to call them over too early. My midwife and photographer headed over right away and my kids usually get up around 7am so told my mom 6:30 would probably be a good time to shoot for. 

I was squeezing my birth comb with each contraction as I was standing, leaning over my dresser swaying side to side, while Brett was setting up the tub. At 4:50am my water broke as I was standing there and contractions continued to get much stronger, and I could feel my daughters head instantly descend where I felt like I could have pushed right there at that moment. I remember yelling “Brett my water just broke and it’s going to be fast. This feels just like it did with Avery (our second daughter”. And I texted my photographer and it said something like “water just broke, frick contractions are strong” and I called my midwife back hoping they would be there already which was super unrealistic since I had just called them, but she was only 15 minutes away. I was relieved she was almost there, but also a bit panicked that I was going to be delivering this baby at home with just my husband. Not the biggest deal in the world, but also not what I was planning for so a little freaked out. I called my mom back between contractions to let her know to come right away things were progressing and then had another phone call to the midwife asking to stay on the phone because that was reassuring to me. She said she was 6 minutes away and not to get into the tub until she arrived so I continued laboring on hands and knees next to my dresser next to the birth pool as well that was set up, my husband did get it all together in time which looking back is actually incredible… but I was waiting and at that point certain the baby was coming at that moment but trying to hold off. Brett says to our midwife “I’m standing behind her is this a good place to be if she starts pushing”. And I was definitely pushing but just enough the urge went away, but still trying to hold back. 

I heard the midwife open the door and she asks Brett to help her bring her equipment up quick which he did and I was alone for a brief moment again just waiting to not have to deliver this baby without anyone there at that point with me. They both come back and I instantly got into the tub on my hands and knees leaning over the side of the tub and actually start purposefully pushing. I am almost 6 feet tall so the water doesn’t really get to a place that easily allows me to be submerged and I was in a squat position with my right leg out so my bottom stayed below the water. I remembered with my other water birth how important this was because instinctively I stood up when I was delivering her head and then couldn’t go back in the water at that point, so that was in the back of my head to just stay in the water as silly as that might sound.

But it was so relieving to be in the water and the pushing didn’t hurt all that much. In between contractions I remember saying “I hate this feeling so much, can it just be done now.” and I just want to mention that no matter if your labor is two days or 20 minutes, that overwhelming intense sensation right before your baby is born is no joke and it’s really hard, but you’ll say it sucks and get through it, because what other choice did I have in that moment. I will say though that having had one really fast birth before this one, I felt fully present and fully in control the entire time because I was in tune with what was happening, knew that it was normal, knew what was happening and why I was feeling that way, ultimately knowing that it was so close to being over and to just suck it up for 5 more minutes. I remember thinking that, like 5 more minutes and it wlll probably be over. So I think I started pushing around 5:15am and she was in my arms at 5:25. The pushing could have been shorter than that, I’m not really sure, but I had probably three contractions in the water and was really intentional and focused during that time supporting my baby’s head out and it felt relieving and so in control. Where my water birth with my second daughter I couldn’t believe how fast things were going, the fetal ejection reflex was taking over, and I didn’t know how to control myself in that moment so pushed like a crazy person I felt like that time. This time, I didn’t really verbalize much at all I was just so focused and didn’t feel rushed at all. Nobody was coaching me to do anything except reassure me when I asked how things were progressing basically. My midwife had a flashlight and mirror to look in the water and was assuring everything was going well and then I delivered her head, waited what felt like forever but it also didn’t hurt when the tissue was stretching and the next contraction was building, and then the final contraction her body was born, my midwife caught her behind me, I turned around, and held my daughter for the first time at 5:25am on July 15th. So I’m not sure what to count as labor technically, but it was less than an hour and a half from feeling unsure if the contractions were the real deal and to call in the birth team, to baby in my arms, so I am so glad i errored on the side of calling them when I did!  

It was such an insane feeling and I couldn’t believe she was here, it was just all those emotions coming out of getting things setup at home, making sure my husband wasn’t panicking with the midwives not there. I said at one point, “she’s going to be here before they come, you’re going to be fine, it’s not hard” or something like that and then basically having a blanket ready to dry the baby off. I felt like I was midwife mode a little bit between contractions and then survival labor mode during a contraction. It was very strange but I was fully aware the entire time which I enjoyed the feeling of clarity. Being at home, I was able to get into the labor mindset easily, I felt calm, I was not worried about any “what if” situations, and I focused on just me and my baby. 

My photographer walked in moments after she cried and got some beautiful photos, which I’m still in shock of how she did that given how fast everything happened, but she did and I’m so grateful for that!

I asked to get out of the tub because the water temperature was a bit cold for the baby and delivered my placenta shortly after in the bed. I was able to delay cord clamping for several minutes until the cord was white and limp and Brett cut the cord. I held my baby on my chest for the entire time and having that immediate skin-to-skin bonding was the best feeling ever. After my placenta was delivered I was having severe contraction pain and two very large clots were expressed and I was having increased bleeding. I didn’t even question intramuscular pitocin to control the blood loss because of course I wanted to stay at home and not transfer if at all possible. I was told I lost about 1 liter of blood which is considered a postpartum hemorrhage, but it was controlled after the pitocin. I did not need any stitches and was so grateful for being able to get into the water because that made all the difference at controlling pain during pushing and limiting any tearing. The downfall of that immediate posptartum experience was due to the blood loss I felt really awful, my blood pressure was really low, I was breathless and couldn’t make it to the bathroom for a bit after delivery. It was not fun to feel so weak, but I was able to make it to the bathroom for the first time and then made sure to stay in the bed, prioritize hydration, and my mom also went to the store and got desiccated beef liver pills that help with iron absorption so I started taking those right away too. It was pretty difficult getting out of bed those first 3 days which I didn’t experience with my last birth, so that was concerning, but with rest and honestly just time for my body to recover a bit, I was feeling much better by the 4th and 5th day. The blood loss didn’t make that part easy, but I was glad I was home and had people to take care of me too and my older girls.

The postpartum contractions were also very strong, I’d say even comparable to active labor, so for me no joke at all and something to be prepared for especifally if it’s not your first baby. I will do another episode on all the tips and tricks I have for easing those pains in an episode soon because they are something to prepare for in my opinion!

And then everything was quickly cleaned up by the midwives as that was all happening and we were left alone for an hour or so. Nora, my 4 year old woke up around 7am and walked in to see she had a new baby sister. She was so excited and we had told her that every day it could be the day, so she was anxiously awaiting her to be born like we were. It was fun having her be a little older this time and really involved in everything and looking forward to having another sister. Some of the things that she said that day that I want to remember… is “mama she didn’t come out of your belly, it was your uterus” I thought that was pretty cute and smart for a 4 year old. We obviously talk about birth a lot and if you follow me on instagram she likes to pretend and record her own podcasts about mommies and babys so she loves learning about things too. She also learned what vernix was when I was pregnant and would say “I don’t want to see the baby until all the cheese is wiped off. I want her to be in a onesie and all cleaned off and then I’ll hold her.” She wasn’t there for the birth but she did ask me right away if Harper had cheese on her which she didn’t really have too much. 

So Nora was loving on Harper and then 15 minutes later Avery my 2 year old woke up and was so excited to see a baby she was all smiles for like the first hour of being with her. She was so quiet and gentle and just taking it all in and it was so sweet. But after our famly time and snuggles the midwives came back in to assess me and do an assessment on the baby and get her weight which was fun for the girls to be involved with. Harper was the smallest of my three girls at 8 pounds 15 ounces, 20.5 inches long.

And I think that is pretty much the end of her birth story. Let me know if there is anything I forgot to share or questions you have about anything, I love birth stories and sharing my own, and hopefully one day I can interview other moms about their birth stories and share those too, I think that would be really fun.

But yeah I love my home birth story and wish I would have had the knowledge and confidence to have my other babies at home too. I don’t regret my previous experiences because they have changed me as a mom and as a midwife, but I do love educating others on home birth and how amazing the experience can be. Harper Elyse was born on July 15th 2024 at 5:25am and it is a day I will always remember and be proud of my strength and confidence, as well as glad for the support and care I received to make it happen.

Thank you so much for listening to the podcast today and for being patient as I took several weeks off from releasing episodes and taking care of myself and my family. I appreciate you tuning in and hope you will join me next Tuesday for another episode. Bye everyone!