2. A Traumatic First Hospital Birth: What I'd Change Now as a Midwife

Are you making your birth plan, but wondering how you’ll even be able to speak up for what you want? 

In this episode, I share my traumatic hospital birth story with my first daughter and all of the things I should’ve done differently…if I only knew then, what I know now!

I talk about advocating for yourself to avoid the cascade of interventions and have the best hospital birth experience.

Press play, and you’ll learn several ways to avoid being taken advantage of in the hospital and tips on how to get started preparing for your own autonomous, confident labor and delivery!

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Visit my website: bethconnors.com

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👋 WHO AM I?

Welcome, friends! I am Beth, a certified nurse midwife, doula, and childbirth educator. My philosophy is rooted in autonomy, informed decision making, and positive mindset to help expecting parents plan for a beautiful, stress-free birth. I am here to provide value to YOU through tips and practical advice, either to guide you through pregnancy or to help you prepare for childbirth, postpartum and beyond. There’s no fluff here - only info that adds to your positive experience and saves you stress and uncertainty.

Transcript

 Hey there, I'm Beth Connors, a midwife and mom of two, but also your birth bestie. In this podcast, we'll dive deep into everything you need to feel confident, prepared, and in control from baby bump to delivery room, from practical tips to personal stories. We'll cover it all so you know exactly what to expect every step of the way.

Let's get into it. Welcome back to episode number two of Your Birth Bestie podcast. Thank you so much for tuning in today because I am sharing my first daughter's birth story. I had a rough start to my motherhood journey after a traumatic hospital birth. But when I finally was able to really talk about it, and honestly, when I started to understand what happened to me, it was like a year, maybe a year and a half later, I thought, why was my birth so traumatic?

It definitely did not have to be that way. And if I was my own patient now as a midwife. I can say with 100% certainty, I would have had a different experience. That is exactly what I want for you, to give you all of the information to build your confidence up from the start and take control of your birth wherever you are in your pregnancy journey now.

So I will share with you the long list of interventions that were forced upon me during my hospital birth, how it all went down. And more importantly, information on how to be sure that this does not happen to you.

I was in nursing school when I had my first daughter, I was getting my master's degree, it was an intense program, I wasn't allowed to miss a single day of clinical, it was stressful. And my husband on top of that was also in graduate school to become a physical therapist. And I just wanted to preface with that because we are educated people with the want to learn and prepare for events like birth.

So we took our hospital birth course together. It was like eight hours or something like that. And at the time I thought it was fine. I basically learned about the epidural and IV pain meds and a couple positions to labor in. But now looking back on it, I didn't really learn much about benefits and risks of an epidural RIV.

I basically just learned that they were there at the hospital and I could be given them if I wanted them. But basically it was about where I should go to the hospital when I'm in labor and the things that they would have for me. In the hospital and things I shouldn't pack in my hospital bag, so not particularly very important things But anyways, that was our preparation and we were ready So we thought and on january 29th for school I had an important meeting where I had to be in person to sign a piece of paper Saying that I was in attendance and learned about this licensing exam for nursing called the NCLEX, and I was in a hybrid nursing program, so I commuted almost two hours for on campus stuff, and I always scheduled my prenatal appointments for days that I had to drive to class because it was basically the halfway point between home and school.

So I had my 39 week and six day routine appointment. I had no questions, no signs of labor, was just waiting and knowing. That my mandatory class was soon after this appointment, but I went into the clinic, everything was fine. And because I was basically at my due date, my midwife offered me a cervical check and I was like, Nope, I don't want to know.

I'm not going to be dilated. It's my first baby. I don't have any contractions. I need to go to this class and I literally can't remember what happened next, but somehow she asked again and I was curious. So I thought, okay, I guess it'll be fun to know, thinking back, like, why did I even do that? Knowing that cervical checks don't even really predict when labor will happen.

But anyways, I was checked and unexpectedly I was six to seven centimeters dilated without even a cramp. More contraction of any kind, no labor signs at all. And then within the next 20 minutes, this is what happened. I called my husband in tears because he was an hour away at class and they were telling me that he needed to rush because I was having the baby like right now.

I called my mom who worked near the hospital and was like, can you come in case Brett doesn't make it? And I was immediately wheeled to labor and delivery. put on my hospital gown, got the belly monitors on to monitor the baby and she was good. They put an IV in my hand. Anesthesia came to assess me just in case I would want the epidural or needed anesthesia for an emergency C section.

And this all happened so fast, but looking back, I could have been that far dilated for days or weeks, and it could have stayed dilated for a lot longer. And questions that I now ask myself are why the heck was I even at the hospital at this point admitted without even given the option to go home. And what would have happened if I waited for labor to start and just gone to class and maybe you had my water break and then come back or who knows, but what would have happened if I would have waited for labor to start?

What was the rush? Why, why did I need to go to labor and delivery from the clinic right away? I wasn't. I was something that I wanted. It was something that I was told. The midwife that I was seeing in the clinic basically made the call to labor and delivery before even telling me that this was what was happening.

Like plans were already made for me to be in labor delivery before I even knew what being six to seven centimeters dilated meant for me at that point. And That's it. Also, at this point, did I really need the IV at that exact second when I first was admitted and in triage, um, getting all my admission questions done?

Was that really necessary at that point either? Probably not. And I do remember asking the doctors at the hospital, why couldn't I just go to my nursing meeting and come back? Because it was my understanding, if I didn't go to this meeting, that I couldn't take my NCLEX exam in the summer and I was going to have to wait until the winter.

And that would seriously mess up my whole plan of getting a job and stuff. This was a pretty big decision to happen and pretty big thing. Of course, I knew that labor could have started on its own anyways before this appointment, but at that point, I was very confused on why I was even there. So I was trying to video call my friends to get credit to this meeting as I was seven centimeters dilated, hooked up to the monitors, and I don't think I even got an answer from the doctor on why I was there.

But basically, the fact was that I was. textbook definition in active labor because active labor is anywhere from 6 to 10 centimeters dilated. So I was not even feeling one contraction at that point. There were contractions that were showing on the monitor when my belly was, um, hooked up to those devices, but otherwise I would not have gone to the hospital if I was at home.

And because I was already in the hospital at this point, I wasn't really thinking about anything else. I was just excited that that weight in that last Those last few weeks was finally over and I was about to meet my baby because they said it was happening in like minutes. So I was like ready and I was like seven centimeters dilated without a cramp.

So I was feeling pretty good thinking labor is pretty easy at this point. But then things changed, took a huge turn when the doctor told me, okay, the next step is to break your bag of water and you can meet your baby sooner. And I really just kind of said, okay, I didn't think about the risks, the benefits.

Why does it? Does this have to happen to me now? How will you do it? Will it hurt? I don't know why I was like this at the point, but I just kind of went along with everything. But literally seconds after my water broke, I felt pressure like I have never felt before. And it was an instant 10 contraction pain.

There was no in between. It was gone from nothing to full on active labor within seconds. And it... It hit me all at once. So now knowing that this was common to happen because now I am a midwife and I can counsel patients before I break their bag of water that this is something that is very common because once your bag of water is gone, baby's head is right up against that cervix causing more pressure.

And we want that to happen if we're trying to use, um, the, the intervention of breaking your bag of water for medical reason to, to speed up your labor. But that would be nice to know ahead of time. So yes, at this point I was being induced without even knowing it and not being well educated about what was about to happen to me.

When those first initial contractions were over after my bag was broken and I kind of gained myself back to a state where I could cope, I found my groove, I rested between contractions, it was manageable pain, and I was able to move and breathe. I preferred being in all fours in the bed with my head up.

Um, on the head of the bed and that lasted for about three hours. I labored for, you know, that time got to 10 centimeters and was given that go ahead to start pushing. And I didn't really even have the urge at that point, but I kind of went with it anyways. I was coached during this time for four hours, unmedicated on my back.

I was not encouraged to try any new techniques, but I was being yelled at by providers that were in there and the nurses just, they were really trying to encourage me saying, you know what, you're doing so great and baby's going to be here soon. We see baby's head. but I had no idea how long pushing would take.

I had no idea what to expect at this point, but obviously did not feel that I was doing anything because it had been hours and four days literally felt like four years. So how long was it actually going to take to push this baby out? And then at that four hour mark, the doctors said that because I was getting tired, I could have a vacuum assisted delivery or a C section.

And I didn't even have one question. Of course I was tired. I was tired by like the half hour mark of pushing. But things were still going well with my labor. My baby's heart tones were fine. And if I would just have been encouraged more, I feel like in a positive way that I would have known would have worked for me, not just by shouting and giving me this hope that my baby is going to be born after every push and then four hours go by.

And it didn't happen. I feel like I would have been able to. Be more in control of what happened to me and would not have had to go with the vacuum procedure. I wasn't informed about what the procedure was again, just like the amniotomy or the breaking of my bag of water, the risks about it, anything, even though it wasn't an emergency, there was definitely time to discuss with me and prompt me to ask questions.

I didn't necessarily know what questions to ask, but there could have been a little bit more. Uh, prompting to help me better understand and not have everything be a complete shock. Because more people came into my room, there was about 20 to 25 people that included residents and students and doctors, anesthesiologists, NICU nurses.

Everyone was in my room. I had no idea who anybody was. I didn't even know what doctor was delivering me. But it was so chaotic. I was exposed. I had all the lights on. Everyone was gowned up. Not that natural physiologic birth I had planned at all. There was literally people sitting on my couch shouting at me and I had no idea who these people were.

It was It's very strange. My daughter was born with the vacuum device and immediately taken to the warmer. A few seconds later, I heard her cry and they told me her weight right away, which by the way was 10 pounds, 12 ounces, and they did the medications, the eye ointment, the vitamin K in her thigh, did their assessments, did all of the things, and I didn't even get to hold her or see her face for an hour.

Until my repair was over and she was in the room the entire time. It's not like there was a reason for them to take her to the NICU or she needed any resuscitation. So she was in the room and I didn't even get to see her. So part of the reason why I didn't get to see her was because I had a difficult repair.

Which even if you have a repair you can still have your baby skin to skin on you. Um So I wish I would have known that in that moment. And I also had a postpartum hemorrhage. I later learned that I had a postpartum hemorrhage and there was certain medications that were given to me to control the bleeding.

But at the moment, it was not information that I knew at all, and my husband was also not in the loop about anything of what was happening. And the time that I actually learned about what happened to me in my first delivery was when I was preparing for my second birth after I became a midwife and I was requesting my medical records.

I never got a chance to debrief because I don't know who my provider was. I'm sure I could. You know, my medical records show that, but I was just a, just a number and nobody knew or thought to come in to brief with me about this traumatic experience that I, that happened to me. And even though this was avoidable trauma that happened to me, it is the system that is so messed up and takes advantage of.

Patient vulnerabilities. And this is why I felt confident going back to the hospital setting for my second birth, because I was a midwife and I knew what to expect. I, I had all the knowledge I had attended hundreds of births and my background in birth was more than most people. So it sucks that it took.

All this work to get there, but it did make me a better midwife and educator and allow me to help moms Like you avoid trauma and have that best hospital birth possible So for that I am so incredibly grateful and I wanted now to share with you the part that will be helpful for your experience, that the things that should have happened to me instead, and things that I should have fought for, um, or questions I should have asked, that you can totally do too.

So first of all, I should have been educated on the risks and benefits of being admitted from the very start. I was, by textbook definition, in active labor because that was distinguished as being six or more centimeters dilated, but I was not uncomfortable and my baby and I were healthy. I... literally should have just gone home and waited for things to happen on their own time because there was no medical reason to intervene with anything.

And if I would have just asked more questions and advocated for myself here at the very start of my labor, my entire birth story would have had a chance to be different without an unknown forced induction. There was also no need to break my bag of water to speed up my labor, because I was actually not really even in labor.

Labor is defined, actually, as the cervix changing, and unless I was checked multiple times and had my cervix changed, continually be changing, then that would be an indication for labor, but I was low risk and I was not feeling any contractions, so there was no need to intervene at all. That, uh, cushion of fluid that was around the baby, helping my contractions be more manageable, should have just been left alone.

Um, And it is definitely rare to be, obviously, seven centimeters dilated and not feeling contractions or not being in labor. But it really does happen. I have seen it more than once and I actually did have a patient come in for an elective induction. She was 41 weeks and she just didn't want to go any further.

So she came in to triage. She was feeling pressure, but no contractions at all. And I checked her cervix and she was nine and a half centimeters dilated on admission and she had no idea. Her water broke as we Took her from triage to her labor room. And as soon as her water broke, she began pushing and her baby was born in just a few minutes.

So her labor was literally like three minutes long from start to finish. And that is the quickest induction story I think I've ever been a part of. During my labor too, I should have been changing positions about every three to five contractions, or at least every 30 minutes, because following. What your body naturally wants to do, which for me was pushing on my hands and knees would have really been the best bet at getting that ginormous baby out of my body.

Um, she was, yeah, almost 11 pounds, 23 inches long. And I was pushing her out on my back and no wonder why it was four hours. And then they said I needed a vacuum. Um, So that was something that I should have definitely done differently and I still think that just because she was a big baby doesn't mean that I couldn't have pushed her out naturally myself.

Which leads me to the next thing which is I should have controlled when I pushed and the length of each push and that nobody please yell at me while I'm pushing even if it was meant to be encouraging. I would have also Like to have the lights dimmed, um, had music on or something playing that I could have focused on because it was really like a state of panic, honestly, for like four hours, um, thinking that I was so close and like, why would I put music on or change the environment to any way if she was literally being born at that moment?

So I had no idea how long it would take to actually. push her out, but it didn't even cross my mind that I had rights to my own birth space that I could make those requests. And it was also not something that was covered in my hospital birth class either. I would really was just going with the flow and, um, had never seen a birth up to that point or had my own baby.

So just remember that your birth experience or your birth environment is. really very important and is a way to support your physiologic birth. And as far as the vacuum assisted delivery, I should have fully been informed and confident in my decision to use the vacuum because it was an elective reason for me to choose the vacuum.

They basically said, I know you're tired, here's the easy way out. Have the vacuum, it'll be over sooner. And of course, after four hours, it was like, sure, just whatever you need to do, just rip her out of there. Like that was what I was feeling at that moment. But. I would have liked to know the risks, um, and had my husband been able to ask questions too, he wasn't sure what to do in that situation and what was the right choice.

Um, but I do talk about the acronym BRAIN, which is what are the benefits? What are the risks? What are the alternatives? Uh, what does your intuition say? And what happens if you do nothing? And if I would have gone through that. Uh, B R A I N list of questions. I might have not gone with the vacuum. I might've said, you know what, let's try, you know, 20 more minutes of pushing, or let's see how much longer I can go and how much longer my baby can tolerate labor for, because she was doing just fine.

So that would have been a good thing to consider. I should have also known. with the vacuum, what I was agreeing to and what that meant for me and for my baby, because I didn't know that there was going to be so many people come into the room because of the vacuum. That was their policy. That's why there was so many people in the room.

I didn't know they were going to cut her umbilical cord right away and take her to the warmer without me seeing her for an entire hour. I didn't know any of the normal things that would happen. Um, and I also didn't know I could refuse those things from happening. So I didn't know that I could let her sit.

Um, on my chest while they did my repair. I didn't even know that the vacuum would increase my chance of having a repair, which it absolutely did between her being a big baby and me having a vacuum delivery. I had extensive tearing. I had a postpartum hemorrhage, all likely attributed to having a vacuum.

And as far as the skin to skin with my baby, I should have had her right on my skin from the moment that she was born and if the repair would have been so terribly painful, which it was, but it could have been a little bit better with her on my chest and maybe distracting having your newborn baby right on your chest that that is what you worked so hard for.

Um, that would have been an amazing moment to experience that I will never get that golden hour back with my daughter. Um, and I was sure to make my wishes known during my second delivery and Bye. Constantly reminding the staff that this was so important to me, um, I actually bolded and underlined on my birth plan for my second baby that I wanted to hold my baby immediately, no matter what.

And then I would help make decisions from there if things needed to be done. But for me, that was like the one moment that I wanted with her and that was very important to me. This is also an example of the importance of reminding your provider that you would like to know exactly what is happening in the moment so you can process everything that is going on.

Again, asking questions or having a support person on the same page is so helpful. Um, even when it comes to the umbilical cord, if you have a certain length of time that you want them to keep the umbilical cord attached, um, this can be something that you say, pay before you cut the umbilical cord, can you please just give me a heads up?

Um, I want to be sure that it's okay. Also make your desires known about if you are okay with students and residents, or if you have a preference. Sometimes people are okay during certain times of having students and residents, but not other times. So just making sure that your provider is aware of that.

Up front is is important and helps, you know, the process all go smoother and you don't have to then think about it at the time of delivery. They already know what you want. Um, I wouldn't have minded a few of people in my room. I was a student in nursing school and wanted to be a midwife. So, you know, a learning experience is something that we all need and I would have definitely valued to have some students in my room.

Or, you know, the people that were only necessary in my room. That would have been okay, as long as it was explained to me, but my room was flooded with people, and that was something that I was not expecting. And lastly, I wish I would have known that I could have asked more questions after the delivery to my delivering provider.

Like, in a debrief form. Um. So I could know what the heck just happened to me and it would have been so healing because I went almost two years like I said without knowing some of the big details of what happened during my delivery and Requesting for somebody else that was there to fill in those gaps for you can really help you understand why things were happening and answering any of those lingering questions that you might have.

So as you can tell, my experience was absolutely not what I expected it to be at all, and I knew there were going to be some im unpredictability when it came to labor and birth. What I didn't consider is that the things that felt out of my control at the time were actually decisions that I should have been a part of.

If I would have been educated and confident advocating for myself and asking questions, I I know for certain that my experience would have been different and that for a long time was really hard for me to kind of wrap my head around and I felt so much guilt about it. But since this birth experience, now that I have had professional experience as a midwife, as well as my own redemptive hospital birth experience with my second daughter, that I will actually share in the next episode, Given all that I've known and experienced, I want to share that with you.

And that is going to bethconnors. com forward slash workbook to download the free workbook called navigating hospital birth, a midwife's ultimate guide for pregnant moms. So you will be able to check each and every want off of your birth preferences list for your future hospital birth experience. And I hope that listening to my.

Hospital birth story has given you an idea of how to take control of the birth that you want within the hospital system Thanks again for tuning in today. If you are already subscribed to the show I appreciate you more than you know, and I hope you enjoyed this episode If you haven't subscribed yet, make sure you do because next episode is all about my second redemptive hospital water birth story I will be talking all about water birth in more detail how I was finally able to call the shots during my birth and tips on how to advocate for yourself during your birth