46. Planning for Baby and Strategies for Embracing New Family Transitions

Are you thinking about how your life, your relationships, or your kids are going to change when bringing your new baby home? 

In this episode we will discuss:

• The unpredictable joy and exhaustion of life changes when having a baby…
• Concerns about sibling adjustments and managing time between kids…
• Financial planning and one of my favorite baby items I saved thousands on…
• How to plan for mom and baby essentials and create a baby registry…
• Self-care practices and maintaining strong relationships regardless of challenges…
• … and so much more!

I’d love to help you in your own journey navigating these transitions and planning for your new baby. When you join the virtual pregnancy support group, in addition to the 12 weekly calls, you’ll also gain access to my online birth course Fearless Birth Academy, a private community, and an online evidence-based library of resources. Seats are limited!

>> Join the Virtual Pregnancy Support Group starting February 21st<<  

>> Baby Registry Checklist <<

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👋 WHO AM I?

Welcome, friends! I am Beth, a certified nurse midwife, doula, and childbirth educator. My philosophy is rooted in autonomy, informed decision making, and positive mindset to help expecting parents plan for a beautiful, stress-free hospital birth. I am here to provide value to YOU through tips and practical advice, either to guide you through pregnancy or to help you prepare for childbirth, postpartum and beyond. There’s no fluff here - only info that adds to your positive experience and saves you stress and uncertainty.

Transcript

Welcome to episode 46 of Your Birth Bestie podcast. Thank you so much for joining me today and for your patience. Last week was crazier than most weeks and if you are new here or haven’t heard me talk about my work-life balance, but I am a full-time stay at home mom with my two girls who are 4 and 1.5 and I work during nap time usually, which lately with the 4 year old growing out of her nap is less and less each day (so that’s been an adjustment), and then nights. With being pregnant, some nights it just doesn’t happen and that’s okay it’s just the season were in right now. But this last week on top of everything we decided to start looking for a new car for when baby girl comes in the summer time and were getting quotes out 9 to 12 months or more for a new vehicle and I was shocked! So after more research and several trips to the dealership, which is why my night work schedule was limited, we decided to purchase a Honda Odyssey minivan. So I’m officially a minivan mom, which I was actually against for awhile, but I’m loving it and all the space and functionality of it, so I’m happy with our choice. 

And then it was also my oldest daughters birthday last week and we all were sick, I usually teach nursing students on Tuesday nights but had to cancel that and it was overall just a rollercoaster of a week. We had a redemption weekend though with lots of family time, a birthday party for her on Saturday, so lots of fun there and back to the regular schedule if you can even call it that because every day is different.

So with that being said… the changes and transitions in this season of life are completely unpredictable they are so joyful and exciting, never a dull moment, but also exhausting and I wasn’t able to keep up last week. So I apologize very much for that and thank you for your patience! I hope you had a chance to listen to my first daughter’s birth story that I shared on social from when I first started the podcast, that was episode number 2 in honor of her birthday. It wasn’t a positive story in the hospital for my first experience, but it did teach me a lot of lessons about hospital birth, about myself, and about what I want to do with my life in terms of healthcare and education and supporting women, so that is the silver lining in all of that.

But the topic today is going to be all about changing family dynamics with bringing a new baby home! Whether you’re having your first baby or your fifth baby there is a shift in family dynamics and that initial adjustment especially can be difficult. 

I am 100% the person that plans everything ahead, but I also know with kids and pregnancy and life you can’t plan for it all, but I like to think about everything at least way in advance and feel prepared and confident in this next chapter.

Maybe you can relate to one or a few of these things, but some things on my mind this week are the logistics of another little person being here and caring for them and splitting my time again with another child. The thought of new schedules or lack of a predictable schedule with a newborn and how that’s going to affect our life and how my other kids adjust. We love schedules and predictability and I remember that being one of the most difficult parts of transitioning from 1 to 2 kids. 

Outgrowing space or figuring out how to make our home the most functional for everyone is on my mind. The car situation is solved for me thankfully, but that’s a big decision many families when their families are growing have to consider. I can’t recommend The Car Mom enough on Instagram and YouTube for her family car reviews, so definitely check out her videos because it’s not just the vanilla car review from a random salesman, it’s from a mom who has a lot of experience with cars too and gives you a review of the mom things that are convenient or not so convenient in everyday life transporting kids around and running errands, the things other reviewers don’t have. And car seats too, the setups around that and functionality of the cars with various configurations of seats is super helpful, so I definitely recommend her.

But as far as our house, we are also outgrowing the 3-bedroom townhouse we live in, so have started to plan how we’re going to buy our first home in the next year or so which is another thing to think about when bringing a baby home. Not gonna lie if we do end up having my two older girls share a room when they are 4 and 2 years old I’m kinda terrified of how that will go, so if anyone has any experience with room sharing and adjusting there please let me know. 

But one thing I can say I’m confident in being a third-time mom and walking alongside many other women grow their families and learn what works and doesn’t for them, I feel really good about all the baby stuff and the details about what I need beforehand for labor and birth and early postpartum and then how the progression happens during the early days, so my expectations are set there and I know I can’t plan for a lot of it, but having done it before I’ve been through the thick of it, and know its a temporary phase of life, there are challenges but also the sweetest most precious moments too.

If you aren’t feeling confident and super ready for baby or birth, don’t worry, I would love to chat with you and be sure all your questions are answers, your feelings validated, and help you figure out how to move forward and have the best experience during birth and transition to this next phase of your life that you possibly can! I’ll mention several things to consider here in this podcast, but I could talk for hours on this stuff and I have many other resources and tips to share, so please reach out to me on Instagram @bethconnors_cnm to see how I can help support you, or I do have a pregnancy support group starting this month and more info can be found at bethconnors.com/groupsupport. Those links are in the show notes as well!

Okay, so just going back a little bit, I wanted to talk more about my thoughts when thinking about adding another person into our family and splitting time between my kids with another baby. 

It was so hard for me going from 1 to 2 kids and I felt heartbroken and worried that my first wasn’t going to love the baby or adjust well or have a hard time with jealousy and things like that and it was so hard knowing that I chose that for her. But of course, she did just fine. There were growing pains for the first few months for everyone, but they are the best of friends and it’s amazing watching them play and grow up together. So I know it’s going to be the same for this baby, but it’s still just so uncertain to what our life will be like with 3 kids, right?! Maybe some of you can relate like thinking about what will life actually be like and how will things change. It’s hard not knowing. 

Another huge factor while planning for baby, is the financial aspect. And it can be totally overwhelming to think about whether the pregnancy was planned, or even more so if it was unplanned and there are some adjustments that need to unexpectedly be made, but either way finances are important. You have to update your family’s insurance, budget for medical expenses, plan for potential changes in income if one parent takes time off temporarily or plans to stay home with the baby, as well as additional expenses that come with having a new baby. 

On a quick search to find the range of the cost to have a baby in their first year, Google says $20,000 to $50,000, which is a huge range and also included childcare and the cost of the birth, both of which vary so so much. But if you take out the cost of the birth and focus on everything else, I would say easily $20,000 with childcare expenses. If you’re staying home with baby, closer to $10,000 and I think these are on the low end for sure, so definitely a range. But either way, budgeting in pregnancy and planning for baby's first year can hopefully help you plan ahead and feel more prepared. 

I did want to throw in one tip to save money, that many people will roll there eyes at, and that’s okay it’s not for everyone.. But consider cloth diapering! And I would’ve thought I was crazy a couple years ago and would have thought it was gross honestly, but it has saved my family so much money over the last 4 years of cloth diapering my two girls, that’s why I feel like I have to share!

Just to give an idea, it costs about $1,000 per year to diaper a child. By around 2.5 or 3 years old most children are out of diapers so let’s say $3,000 for my oldest I would’ve spent and my youngest is almost 2 so $2,000. So $5,000 I would have spent on diapers in the last 4 years if I did disposable. BUT… We went with Nora’s Nursery Diapers which cost about $10 per diaper, maybe a little less. We have 14 diapers that we wash every other day. So that’s $140 to cloth diaper 2 children over 4 years so far. We did have to buy some more absorbable inserts as the girls got older, and went with Thirsties hemp inserts at $5 ish per insert. So, that was another $50. But for $200, that is such a savings and I am so glad we stuck with it. If you’re considering it, I highly recommend trying it out or even starting part-time to see if you like it. It really can save a lot and it’s better for the environment which I love and once I figured out a good washing cycle that worked, there was literally no diaper rash at all for my babies which I know many parents struggle with because of the ingredients in disposable diapers. So, yes I love cloth diapers!

When you’re planning to welcome a baby home and you’re navigating your pregnancy journey, knowing what items you need to have can be super helpful. I do have a checklist of essential items for both mom and baby that includes pregnancy, labor, birth, postpartum, newborn items and feeding suggestions, and then it also includes a page about common baby registry items that I don’t think are super necessary if you’re trying to have a more simple, minimalistic approach. And if you haven’t downloaded it yet, the registry guide can be found at bethconnors.com/checklist and I hope that it is super helpful for you. But of course, having all the stuff and checking everything off doesn’t mean you’re “ready”, so I do want to give you more things to think about in terms of planning for your baby’s arrival. I don’t want it to feel overwhelming, just ideas to give you an idea of what areas you might want to think about too!

Preparing for labor is a big one as well as postpartum expectations so find a resource that you enjoy to learn from to have an idea what to expect from the start of your first contraction, signs of early labor, what pain coping strategies there are, what to pack in your hospital bag, and then discussing your birth plan. I want to emphasize the importance of flexibility and learning about all your options, especially in the hospital setting what interventions are pushed more than others, why, and decide when you’d be comfortable with medical intervention if needed. Otherwise, if you’re low-risk, everything is going well, I also want you to feel informed and empowered to continue trusting yourself and your baby to have that birth experience you want if you are hoping for a physiologic birth or just limiting interventions in general and having an autonomous birth experience! Everyone deserves to know their options and be the one making the decision for themselves and their babies.

And then as far as postpartum care, preparing for the physical and emotional changes, who can you trust to support you and check in on you, who are you okay with visiting you in the hospital or at home when the baby is born, or when are you okay having visitors. I really want to emphasize too setting expectations to what postpartum looks like, which of course is different for everyone, but to not expect to being back to normal in a few days or to feel like yourself honestly or to just have a baby and feel like birth will go fine, your baby will nurse and sleep fine, you will recover with ease, all of those things that I wish do happen for you, often it’s a little more unpredictable than that. A few examples are postpartum cramps as your uterus shrinks down can be startling, breastfeeding challenges such as sore nipples or poor latch, the crazy hormonal shift and changing emotions in those first two weeks is something many moms say they weren’t prepared for so just knowing it’s normal to feel happy and sometimes sad for no reason, but also knowing who you can talk to when that does happen. And just in general the change of schedule the lack of sleep and the feeling of overwhelm at times. All of these things are normal and you’re never alone in these experiences. You and your baby and your partner and other kids if that applies are all navigating this new season and change takes time. My best advice is be prepared and be patient and this temporary time that is really really hard will feel like it went by fast looking back. So enjoying those newborn snuggles, taking time to recover and relax and let the chores wait or recruit help is important. Totally easier said than done because I’m one who likes to do it all and didn’t rest adequately with either of my last babies, but I am going to try my hardest this time to honor that and have people to keep me accountable for that as well.

This ties into self-care and planning to prioritize self-care for yourself and your partner and to really remember to maintain a strong relationship regardless of what challenges come up in parenthood. When I talk to my clients struggling in postpartum, I remind them to do at least one thing for themselves each day whether that’s a shower, make a cup of coffee or tea to enjoy, do some intentional breathing or journaling, whatever helps them. If you can get outside that’s a huge bonus too. This is a challenge for many moms too, but having time to reset in your day and feel more like yourself can be a game changer for sure.

The last big part of planning for when a baby is born that can be stressful for many families is figuring out maternity leave or parental leave. I recommend finding out your employers policies as soon as you can to plan ahead and make decisions on how much time you or your partner can take off, how much time you want them to take off, will you split your leave with your partner to extend baby’s time with a parent and start childcare arrangements a few weeks later, there are a lot of options here. In the United States, are parental leave is really just disappointing and is something I really would love to focus on someday and help make changes around this. I had both my babies in nursing school, my first was during my last year of my masters and second was born 4 days after graduation so I dodged that bullet with missing any school there and if affecting anything, but the first time around I was told I could have 6 hours off… that wasn’t even an excused absence, I’d have to make that up which I was fine with, but that wasn’t even a full clinical day. The day that she was born worked out with my schedule and the weekends and somehow the stars aligned where I was able to take 11 days off from being in school physically, but I was expected to be in class virtually keeping up with all assignments and things. At the time, I was grinding and just didn’t think anything of it besides it being really hard, but now knowing what I do and how hard that birth experience was and how challenging postpartum was for months, that was completely unacceptable. So I would love to help change this for women because it affects moms so much, the babies from being away from mom, family dynamics in general with added stress, there is so much that goes into it so it’s really something I’m passionate about and saddened by when compared to resources and support in other countries.

But no matter what your situation is and if you have to go back to work quickly like I did, if that’s what you have to do it will be okay. It will be okay if you can plan for it, if you can surround yourself with resources and support, and it will all work out because it has to and having a positive mindset in a situation that you might not be able to change right now is the best you can do. I’d love to be a resource for you to plan ahead and I have an amazing referral list for additional resources if there is something outside my scope, but I would just love to meet you and support you wherever you’re at in your journey. 

Connecting with others who are going through a similar experience or have done it before can help you navigate things that you might have not considered before and avoid wasting your time, money, and resources with something that may not actually be super helpful. The more I’ve networked with other moms and birthworkers and business owners in health and wellness who support moms and families, the more I’ve learned and felt more supported in my personal life and in my business and it really just is great to have a village in this stage of life.

Thank you so much for being here today and I hope you found this information to be helpful as you continue planning for your baby’s arrival! I am almost to the halfway point in my third pregnancy which is crazy to think about so I am right here with you preparing for another journey with another new little human and I’m excited, sometimes nervous and overwhelmed, but feeling confident that everything will work out how it should, I will be as ready as I can be for when she decides to come and I will have plans in place to feel confident and relaxed when she does come. I’d love to help you in your own journey, so I’d love to connect with you or see you in a couple weeks in the online pregnancy support group! When you join, in addition to the 12 weekly calls, you’ll also gain access to my online birth course Fearless Birth Academy, a private community, and an online evidence-based library of resources. Have a great rest of your week!