Your Birth Bestie | The Pregnancy Podcast for an Informed and Fearless Birth Experience

54. Managing Stress and Relationships Postpartum with Jess Hull

April 02, 2024 Beth Connors - Certified Nurse Midwife
54. Managing Stress and Relationships Postpartum with Jess Hull
Your Birth Bestie | The Pregnancy Podcast for an Informed and Fearless Birth Experience
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Your Birth Bestie | The Pregnancy Podcast for an Informed and Fearless Birth Experience
54. Managing Stress and Relationships Postpartum with Jess Hull
Apr 02, 2024
Beth Connors - Certified Nurse Midwife

In today’s episode, we’re joined by Jess Hull, the founder of MotherMe.io, who shares insights into managing stress and relationships during the transition into postpartum with a new baby.

We talk about:

  • The neurological shifts during and after pregnancy and their impact on stress and relationships…
  • Common stressors couples face when bringing home a new baby…
  • Managing realistic expectations and setting boundaries with family and friends….
  • How to reduce stress and foster connection with your partner…
  • …and so many more great tips!

Don't forget to visit MotherMe.io for more resources and to connect with Jess directly. Until next time, take care and remember, you're not alone in this journey!

Resources Mentioned

Learn more about Mother Me: www.motherme.io
Follow on Instagram: @motherme.io
Book a call with Jess: here
Download my postpartum checklist: here
Bring Jess to speak: here

🌸 Connect with Beth

Website - https://www.bethconnors.com
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/bethconnors_cnm/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/bethconnors_cnm/
Your Birth Bestie Etsy Shop - https://yourbirthbestie.etsy.com/
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/bethconnors.cnm

👋 WHO AM I?

Welcome, friends! I am Beth, a certified nurse midwife, doula, and childbirth educator. My philosophy is rooted in autonomy, informed decision making, and positive mindset to help expecting parents plan for a beautiful, stress-free hospital birth. I am here to provide value to YOU through tips and practical advice, either to guide you through pregnancy or to help you prepare for childbirth, postpartum and beyond. There’s no fluff here - only info that adds to your positive experience and saves you stress and uncertainty.



Show Notes Transcript

In today’s episode, we’re joined by Jess Hull, the founder of MotherMe.io, who shares insights into managing stress and relationships during the transition into postpartum with a new baby.

We talk about:

  • The neurological shifts during and after pregnancy and their impact on stress and relationships…
  • Common stressors couples face when bringing home a new baby…
  • Managing realistic expectations and setting boundaries with family and friends….
  • How to reduce stress and foster connection with your partner…
  • …and so many more great tips!

Don't forget to visit MotherMe.io for more resources and to connect with Jess directly. Until next time, take care and remember, you're not alone in this journey!

Resources Mentioned

Learn more about Mother Me: www.motherme.io
Follow on Instagram: @motherme.io
Book a call with Jess: here
Download my postpartum checklist: here
Bring Jess to speak: here

🌸 Connect with Beth

Website - https://www.bethconnors.com
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/bethconnors_cnm/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/bethconnors_cnm/
Your Birth Bestie Etsy Shop - https://yourbirthbestie.etsy.com/
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/bethconnors.cnm

👋 WHO AM I?

Welcome, friends! I am Beth, a certified nurse midwife, doula, and childbirth educator. My philosophy is rooted in autonomy, informed decision making, and positive mindset to help expecting parents plan for a beautiful, stress-free hospital birth. I am here to provide value to YOU through tips and practical advice, either to guide you through pregnancy or to help you prepare for childbirth, postpartum and beyond. There’s no fluff here - only info that adds to your positive experience and saves you stress and uncertainty.



Hey there. I'm Beth Connors, a midwife and mom of two, but also your birth bestie. In this podcast, we'll dive deep into everything you need to feel confident, prepared, and in control from baby bump to delivery room, from practical tips to personal stories. We'll cover it all. So you know exactly what to expect every step of the way.

Let's get into it.  Hello, everyone. And welcome back to episode 54 of Your Birth Bestie podcast. Today, we are joined with a special guest, Jess Hull, who is the founder of motherme. io, specializing in helping moms navigate the postpartum journey with confidence and support. Jess She guides couples on how bringing home a baby dramatically changes your relationship, informs people of the changes that are happening in their brains that have a huge impact on mental and emotional well being, and also helps families have the proper time and education to physically heal.

I think you are really going to enjoy Jess's expertise and guidance to reduce stress and strengthen connections between partners during this transformative time of bringing home a new baby. So let's hear from Jess. Hi, I'm Jess Hull and I am the founder of MotherMe, which is an app and a support framework that is designed to help pregnant women feel more informed, prepared, and empowered for their postpartum. 

Perfect. I love it. Thank you so much for being here and meeting with me. Um, I'm just really looking forward to talking about preparing for postpartum and managing. You know, relationships and stress and all the things that come with being a new parent that a lot of times we're focused on, you know, labor and delivery and pregnancy and we're consumed with all of that.

But there is a lot more to it, um, after baby is born. So, um, yeah, I know you have a background with, um, some of the changes that go on. Yeah. After you have a baby or even before. Yeah. Yeah. So my background is primarily in the tech world and I've worked at, um, Facebook and Google for many years. And as I became a mother, I realized that I was gravitating towards the data around taking care of moms because there was a lot out there around taking care of babies.

So that's sort of what prompted me to kind of go down this path. And for me, the brain, research in particular was just fascinating because so often I felt moms, you know, whether on a personal level or like in society are sort of dismissed as like mommy brain. And, you know, it really dismisses what massive changes we're going through neurologically, in addition to the obvious physical and medical recovery.

Um, so that's really, uh, How I got into this, and I found that the more I learned about how my body and brain hormones and all of my sort of insides were changing, it gave me a lot more confidence, um, as I welcomed my third child to feel more comfortable. Not only more informed, but to open up the conversations with my husband and our sort of extended support network around what was happening to me and what I needed from them.

So that's sort of like the high level of like the brain interest, but I don't know if you have any specific questions or areas that you know you want to dig into, but I'm happy to share. Yeah, I think the, the thing that I'm most curious about is there's like a biological piece to it that we're not in control of necessarily, but there are still ways that we can still feel supported, um, and knowing these things ahead of time on what to expect with our hormonal changes and, um, even like our partner's hormonal changes, like that is an effect too that people don't think about, um,  like that part of it.

So, yeah, I'm just curious what you have. What you know about those kinds of things. Yeah. So I actually, um, as we mentioned, I pulled up some, some of the hard data so that we can have it. But basically, um, when you are going through the process of, pregnancy and then through labor and delivery, your brain is undergoing massive neurological rewiring.

So it's basically changing the way you're processing emotions and the way you're thinking. So the part of your brain that's in charge of your memory in word recall actually gets smaller. So that's where, like You, we hear again, socially like mommy brain or like brain fog. And it's like, no, that is actually happening.

And it is by design and it's making room for new skills that help with baby bonding. So there's a process that's called synaptic pruning. And it's basically deleting out information in your brain that you no longer need, or they think you no longer need. And again, that's an evolutionary process. Um, process that is happening by design.

So I found that to be very comforting, um, as somebody who always struggled with memory, but then like, especially as I had more children. And then the part of our brain that controls our emotions actually gets bigger. Um, and that's part of why we can, you know, You know, cry more easily or feel more stressed easily.

And you'd say like, Oh, I used to be able to do this. Why have I changed? Or like, you know, motherhood has made me not as capable. And again, I want to reassure people that this is all by design and this is allowing for a deeper emotional connection as your role as a mother. Um, And then the prefrontal cortex gets smaller as well.

And that's what controls your executive functioning. So that's why planning can be difficult. Like my husband always teases me. He's like, I can't ask you more than two questions at once because you only hear one. I'm like, yeah, that's true. Um, and like, if you walk into your kitchen and you can't remember why you're there, that whole executive functioning and planning part, um, changes.

So again, I think it's really important to. Understand not only like the physical recovery, but also the neurological evolution that we go through when we become mothers. Yeah, definitely. And even the point when you mentioned about, like, feeling guilty or, like, incapable, like, those kinds of things are definitely things that I experienced.

I had a postpartum experience with two babies, preparing for my third, um, but knowing that, that it's biological and that it's not something that you should feel less than because you can't do certain things, but it's literally meant for your body to pause, kind of, and, you know, take Full care of your baby  and use every little thing that you have to do that versus worrying about all the other things that are going on in your brain.

Totally. It's a protective for your child and for yourself. So yeah, that's important that you mentioned that. That's cool. Yeah. And I think that, um, the whole, cultural obsession with bouncing back and getting your pre baby self back, whether it's your body or your interests or your brain or whatever it is that you sort of were proud of yourself for pre baby.

What I hope that women are starting to understand is that we. You're never going back and we're only going forward and it's actually a wonderful future, but it's when we are sort of apprehensive to embrace that change of the new you that it makes everything harder. So like I say, release any feelings of mom guilt and just like try to be present and who you are today is, is just like, a version of of you and you will change again in the future.

Um, and I know it can be hard when we don't feel that we're the same because we love that version of ourselves. But, um, again, like it's evolution. And if you think about it in the context of like seasons changing or animals, you know, in their patterns, We are all meant to change and change can be a wonderful thing.

So by having more information about the changes that we're experiencing, it can feel less overwhelming and more empowering. Hopefully. Yeah, and I know that actually reminds me of something I just posted the other day on Instagram about, um, like, things aren't going to get easier, like, they are going to be more challenging the more kids you have, the more, you know, different responsibilities you're taking on at work or whatever's going on in your life, but like, you are also changing, and like, you are getting stronger and able to, you know, figure out all the things that you have to figure out, that it's not like you're the same person that you were a year ago or six months ago.

So it's kind of an incredible thing that you grow as a parent, you grow as a person and, um, and every like facet of your life, honestly. So, yeah, I know. I find it so fascinating thinking about the mom I was to my first child. So I, my oldest is six and my youngest is one and a half. Or almost one and a half in the mom that I am today to my youngest, you know, it's like, it doesn't make me sad that I wasn't that mom for my first, but it's just an interesting sort of reflection because I was so new being a mom and.

You know, I had so much to learn and so much to figure out too. And like, we always do, but it's just interesting thinking about it. Like the kids get different versions of us as we progress through this journey as well. So I love it. I just think it's fascinating. It's cool. Yeah. It's cool to like, think every, every kid has a different experience and every kid is totally different.

I know my second is just like a wild child compared to my first, but probably because I was so like regimented with my first, like I wanted to do everything perfectly. And then They turn out okay, and you're like, I guess I can loosen the reins a little bit. I know. So, yeah. The second, I'm a second born, and so is my husband, and we, we always say like, you give the parents a run for the money.

Yeah. Because the first one is so, usually so wonderful that we were like, he tricked us into having another.  Um, but it's all in good fun. Yeah, I can relate to that.  Um, as far as like when you do bring a new baby home or when you are preparing to bring a new baby home, there's a lot of things that go into planning for having a newborn.

Um, as far as, you know, stressors or challenges, different things like that. What do you see, I guess, most often? with families that maybe they have to work through before that they have, or would you, I guess, advise people to think about maybe with each other before they bring a new baby home to have this, you know, smooth transition?

Yeah. I mean, I don't know if most of the, the listeners, um, are already well into their family planning and their journeys, but I would say the ideal time to really start talking about all of this is before you're even trying to conceive a child. And most people don't even realize that. that they need to talk about these things or that talking about these things will, um, benefit them prior to pregnancy.

But the next best time is of course during pregnancy. And while it's a reality and then the third, you know,  The lowest option, of course, is as you're in the eye of the storm, which is when most people end up talking about things and it, you know, of course, doesn't lead to the most productive or supportive conversation. 

So if possible, you know, anticipating what. What your unique circumstances are and what your typical sort of patterns are with your family stress, you know talking about that Well in advance, so for a lot of people that's financial Aspects like having a child is expensive and You may have different opinions on what the child's care option should be or what type of support is worth, quote unquote, spending money on.

Um, and what's worth it to one partner may not be worth it to the other. Um, so anything financial related, as much notice as you can talk about those things, um, the better.  And then family dynamics with extended families, you know, that is one of the most common sources of frustration and tension in relationships.

And it's really something that we should normalize because of course, you know, your family of origin and your partner's family of origin had very different styles, I'm sure in their own, you know, parenthood and relationships with their parents and siblings and all of that. So. Having an understanding of who's going to be involved in what parts of the process, what are the expectations of each side of the family?

Um, and then, you know, usually there's one person on one side of the family where  I hear women say, like, I'm really struggling on how to, Um, you know, become a mother when I have X person in my life and I have tension with that person, whether it's their own mother or a sibling or an in law. And I find most people have that one person that sort of like the thorn and that person may need different boundaries than other family members.

Um, and then the third most common area I would say is relationship, um, and intimacy dynamics. As you become parents and the expectations that both partners have around how they want to resume their life as a couple, um, and not just as parents. Um, it's not to say that if you have missed that, you know, ideal window that you're doomed, but, um, yeah,  You know, it can be the good thing about having conversations before you're in the heat of the moment is typically people are a little more logical in how they're approaching it.

And you always sort of have the mental out if you change your mind or things play out differently. So, um, You know, like in the context of like financial conversations and daycares or nannies and all of that, talking about it before you have your child and maybe going on a wait list, and then you might have the child and say, you know what, I actually don't feel comfortable with that option.

So it'd be silly to fight about it. You know, before you actually need to cross that bridge, so to speak. So, um,  I personally find that gives me a lot more comfort in, in having uncomfortable conversations. And I would always say to my husband, like, I reserve the right to change my mind. You know, this is how I feel today, but I could very well feel totally different in the future.

And likewise to him, um, you know, we'd give each other that kind of unconditional out if we change our minds on something. Right, like always having that option to keep it open because like, if you don't have to, you don't have to make really much of a commitment to a lot of these different things, but at least learning about them and, and knowing how things can change.

And then, like, as things progress further, then you're like, okay, now we need to actually decide, but at least you've thought about it a little bit ahead of time. Right.  For those kinds of things. Um, yeah. And usually with those tough decisions or. situations. The way that you can have a more productive conversation is by starting with understanding how you feel. 

So your own self awareness is going to determine how successful the conversation goes and understanding how you feel, but also what you need from your partner, because sometimes. Like you may be just needing to feel heard or feel validated or appreciated and your partner may be thinking that you need that him to solve your problem, which is not necessarily what you need.

So the more you can tune into how you feel and what you need and then clearly and calmly express that to your partner, the more productive and hopefully peaceful the conversation will be.  Yeah, and that's something I've noticed too, just in my own life, is like, I come with a bunch of ideas or a bunch of questions or a bunch of things, and I'm like, I'm not expecting you to solve this right now, right here, um, but we just need to have, you know, have it all open, have it all out here, and then just like, at least tell me that we're going to come back to it,  um, at some point, you know, but yeah, so.

Or like, I'm like, you have to have an opinion on this. Um, like you need to value something so we can like either debate about it or be like, no, we're on the same page. We're cool. Um, but sometimes, yeah, it's hard to have that initial, that initial conversation about something. And I think, you know, even the goal of agreement, of course, it would be great if we agreed on 100 percent of the things, but again, that is just statistically never going to happen.

And really the goal. Should be closer to disacceptance and certain things will matter more to certain people in the experience and when it comes to Pregnancy and postpartum where the physical mental Emotional toll is so much greater on the woman. You know, that's where I would say to my husband like I totally hear you on what your opinion is on this, but in this case, because I am the one going through it, it's ultimately my choice.

And while I hope we could be on the same page,  there were certain topics that I felt, not that it didn't matter how he felt, but  the way I felt was so strong about like a certain physical thing that I would have to do or whatever it was that it was like, I will hear you. I will listen to you, but ultimately like the choice is mine.

Yeah, and that's like, right, like the respectful way to do it to like some I hear all the time people are saying one person wants one thing one person wants another thing and like the mom can just say, Nope, it's my, you know, my decision to make which it truly is but also you can come about it from a respectful place like I want you to feel comfortable with my decision like how can we Transcribed Maybe not compromise even, but just like, how can we accommodate you so that you are also comfortable in this decision?

And what information do you need to, you know, to make this something that makes sense for you too? I just think that comes about a lot easier when you take their feelings also into consideration.  Yes. I mean, my husband, um, was dying to know the genders of babies and. I was adamant that we were not finding out. 

Um, and, you know, he would always joke like, Oh, I'm going to ask the doctor, you know, when we're there. And I just said, you know, for me, I need that carrot at the end of the stick to get through labor. And I just, I don't know how many children we're going to have. And I want that surprise moment to be, You know, as I'm delivering the baby.

So that was something that again, I felt so strongly about, um, that eventually he did get on board with it. But, you know, you can take that topic and there are so many couples that feel differently about it where, you know, for a mom who wants to plan, she may want to know the gender and that brings her comfort.

And so, In so much of parenthood, there really is no right or wrong decision. It's just what is right to you and what gives you the most peace and joy in the experience of, of starting a family. So,  you know, I think we get hung up sometimes on the right or wrong way to do things. And like in the end for most decisions, they're all going to be fine. 

Um, and so again, it sort of like takes the level of conflict and tension down a little bit when, you know, you know, there's really No drastic wrong way to do certain things, of course, if they don't hurt anybody, you know, like there are certain things that are definitely wrong, but as long as nobody's getting hurt, you know, you have freedom in your choices.

And that kind of also goes to what we were talking about before with the boundaries with family and friends. And, um, it kind of reminds me too of like, there's no right or wrong way to do certain things, but there's also your way. Um, when you are a mom and you want things done a certain way, um, or certain boundaries to be respected, whether that's right when your baby's born, or maybe you're even in labor and people want all these updates or like right after the baby's born and they want to see the baby right away, um, or even just with taking care of baby and stuff like that.

So I guess what advice or information do you have about preparing for those boundaries and making those boundaries and then like managing, I guess, that stress or that, you know, anticipation of that maybe being a potential challenge? Yes. I mean,  depending on your family sort of dynamics growing up. 

Boundaries may or may not be like a totally new thing for you. Um, for me, I grew up with, um, a Cuban Italian family where I like to joke that we had zero boundaries. It was like the show, Everybody Loves Raymond, where like family members are walking in at all times and you're like, you know, this is like a community house.

Um, so when I had my.  Babies, you know, my parents were very much involved and I was very grateful for that, but also recognizing that, you know, I'm transitioning to having my own nuclear family and You know, my husband's perspective matters in how we're sort of creating our little nuclear family as well.

So, you know, typically with boundaries, you know, they're, they have great intentions. And so I just want to say, like, I think the word boundary may have sort of a negative connotation to some people, but boundaries really are well intentioned to keep everyone feeling clear on what's happening and hopefully in, um, you know, a healthy, productive way.

So.  Boundaries can be really good. And what makes a boundary effective is having simple language and also stating sort of what will happen if the boundary is not followed, what actions you are going to take as the person, not something about the other person. So in an example of You know, postpartum, you know, visitors, you, you can say like, I appreciate that you want to come to the hospital, but we're not allowing any visitors, you know, if that's what it is, or, um, you know, coming home from the hospital, we'd love to have visitors at the house.

Uh, but after 15 minutes or so we'll need to rest and, you know, whatever it is. So saying again, what you're going to do, not like, you know, What's going to happen to the other person  and when it comes to family dynamics, depending on who needs the boundary communicated to them,  you know, it may be more helpful for the person who's related to the person to, to share it.

So if you have an in law where, you know, you have a boundary and you feel like your partner may not, recognize the importance of that boundary because to them it's normal. Um, so like I'll use myself as an example, like with my family,  they're  always around. Um, but you know, for my husband, of course, it's a little different.

So I will be the one to talk to my parents to say, Hey, you know, here's our schedule, here's what we're doing. And at this time we'll be going home or at this time, you know, we're going to bed and we're kind of winding down. So.  Boundaries. I think ultimately when respected can bring people a lot closer and similar to sort of the topic earlier about like husband and wife disagreements, somebody does not need to agree with your boundary.

And most of the time they probably won't, but the important thing is that they respect that. And then it will build sort of that trust of saying like, I appreciate so much that you're recognizing I need to go to bed earlier at this time because I'm still recovering or whatever it is.  Yeah, and that's really hard to do.

Um, a lot of the times is feeling like you can speak up in those situations. Yeah, and I think especially with generational support, what a lot of parents and, um, in laws, they want to help. And so acknowledging and recognizing, again, their underlying motivator, like, I know that, you know, You know, my mom wants to help and what's actually helpful is this, you know, so like  my mom loves to help out and clean up.

And sometimes she puts things in different places. And so I'd say like, I really appreciate what you're doing, but you know, we want to do this because blah, blah, blah. So, um, I think when it comes to,  Like I said, your parents or in laws, hopefully they have great intentions in what it is they're trying to do.

So giving them a little bit of appreciation and love in, in their intention, but just helping them understand how it's executed or what actually is beneficial to you, um, again, will just help with the overall relationship.  Yeah. Like the guidance piece of I would love for you to be here and this is what's helpful versus just kind of giving them whatever.

And then if it's not something that you maybe feel like that's helpful, then it's kind of harder. You know, you don't want to feel ungrateful.  Right. Right. I know a lot of people also struggle with, um, having a baby on a nap schedule. And if an event, a family event is, you know, coinciding with a nap schedule, um, you know, how to navigate how long they stay, or should they tell people that they're going to leave?

Will they get grief from family members if they leave? And again, this is like, ultimately there is no right or wrong answer. Do what's right for your family. For some people, they'll say it's not a big deal if we skip the nap or we're on a different schedule today, but for other families, that might be a really important thing for them and they know their kid best and they know themselves best.

So they may need, you know, that downtime too. And I find that saying in advance, if you're not going to stay for a full event or whatever it may be saying like, Oh, we'll be here from one to two. We can't wait to catch up with you, but we'll be leaving around two to make sure we can get home for. Or blah, blah, blah.

And, you know, people may still give you grief or whatever it is, but that's okay. Cause you're not in charge of managing their emotional response. You know, so  sometimes boundaries may upset people and that's, you know,  self discipline is self love like you're taking care of you and that's your job. And.

They can figure out how to manage their own reaction to your boundary.  Yes. Yeah. And it's nice too to even just make that expectation ahead of time too and make that decision for yourself. And that way it's known and then it's a lot easier to like, for example, like you said, leave an event if it's kind of already known versus like, how am I going to sneak out of here?

I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, you know, so making those decisions ahead of time, um, with your, um, Partner, whoever's going with you and then sticking to it and just honoring that it's best for your family and like feeling no guilt about it because there is no guilt. It's just  you got to do what you got to do.

So  yeah, totally. And then as far as like, uh, with, with your partner, with your family, when you do have these maybe challenges or different stressful things that happen, do you have any advice in terms of like techniques to like reconnect? Or, um, if somebody is offended by something, like what would you say in terms of reconnecting with?

family or friends or your partner during these times of, you know, stress.  Yeah. So with your partner, again, like the Gottman Institute has such a wealth of knowledge. Um, and one of the things that they have studied and, um, have found to be really a beneficial sort of rule for couples is what they call the five to one ratio.

And that means that for every one negative Sort of interaction that you have with your partner, you need five to sort of neutralize the feelings about the relationship. And I find that to be, um, really interesting to have those like numbers to think about because you may, I have been snappy at your partner and you know, you say, sorry, or whatever it is.

And you're like, Oh, you know, I was tired or whatever. And then you think like, okay, I'm off the hook. We're back to normal or whatever. And like, the reality is no, like, and if you're on the receiving end of that snapping remark.  You know, you think about how you feel like somebody might apologize and you move on and you're like, okay, but it actually takes a lot more to repair and build back up that positive sentiment.

Um,  so again, it's not something that's unobtainable, but I think it's just like almost saying, you know, you need X number of ounces of water a day. Like it's just helpful to know the numbers. Um, and. You know, at times when you hurt each other's feelings, but you really want to make sure that you're fully repairing and building back up that positive sentiment.

And one of the ways. You know, that they, the Gottmans talk about it as like making sort of deposits into what they call like the love bank and  having all of these small little acts of kindness, um, and connection that, you know, matter to your partner. So they have, again, the concept of like a love map. And like, for me, my husband brings me coffee every morning.

And that little gesture is like, The whole world to me, not only does it give me caffeine to start my day in the right way, but it's like, you know, a little way of feeling like he's taking care of me. And so, you know, one of the exercises that they recommend doing is sitting down with your partner and sort of talking through your love maps with each other so that, you know, when these inevitable moments come up where you hurt each other's feelings or, you know, you say the wrong thing and of course, apologize for it, you know, other ways that you can build back that.

sort of love bank sort of deposit  system. So That's one sort of little guide that they, uh, recommend and I think it's great. And then the other sort of interesting thing is like hugging and physical touch. So that is something, especially in postpartum that is really critical to stabilizing hormones because obviously when you have that physical touch, it releases like the happy hormones in your body.

Um, And that can be very calming and very regulating if you are going through sort of emotional ups and downs. So people recommend having at least eight hugs a day. And there's this concept of a heart hug where you basically put your right arm down and your left arm up when you're hugging each other so that your hearts are touching when you hug.

And just like,  Sitting there in, in like for a minute in that position  will be really calming and like, you know, help boost that connection. So  I think in addition to those small acts of kindness, I think the physical, you know, non sexual touch goes a long way in building that sort of connection back.

Telling your partner to how you want them to support you. And, um, right. Like how you're, how you're feeling is not necessarily like, or what you're saying is not necessarily what, what you actually want to happen. It's just something that maybe you have to get out of your system. Um, right. So if you're saying like, I feel disappointed and I need encouragement,  like, you know, and, and that's again, exactly where that like simple framework of like, I feel this and I need that. 

And again, like,  We are not mind readers as humans. Like we often,  you know, say and do the quote unquote wrong thing. And again, that is so normal. And I think that's where  in this postpartum time, especially, um, you know, it's my first time being a mom of three and it's my husband's first time being a dad of three.

And. even though we've had other children, it's still a learning curve. Um, but at least, you know, when we're getting better at tuning into our own needs and wants, that has improved our communication, you know, tenfold. Yeah. Yeah. That's a perfect place. I feel like to end too. Um, so if you could kind of just tell people where they can find you and connect with you about any new offers that you have going on, or your course, or Anything I would love to hear more about that and listeners can check it out as well.

Yeah, so I'm on Instagram. My handle is motherme. io  and I also have a website. It's www. motherme. io and if you want one on one support, you can book a call with me and  It's a complimentary call. We'll dig into your personal situation a little bit. And I can tell you about the ways that I work with people in a one on one capacity,  or if you just want to do the self paced modules, um, that is an option as well.

And so my whole course is based on the science of matrescence, which is the process that. That every woman goes through when she becomes a mother. So it's similar to adolescence where what every child goes through and they become an adult. And I focus on different areas. So your brain, your body, your relationships, and your nutrition.

And I have different content that supports each of those things where I've pulled from at this point, probably close to 30 different studies. And And I'm summarizing what you need to know and what you can do to create a better outcome for you, your baby, and your relationship.  Thank you so much for tuning in to Your Birth Bestie podcast.

I hope you enjoyed this information about managing relationships during and before that transformative journey that is bringing home a new baby. We are continuing to grow and learn with each new baby. Each experience that we have as women and as mothers, and I am so glad to have heard Jess's thoughts on this topic and learn more about the opportunity for further support in this area.

Definitely be sure to check out the show notes to get access to all of the resources that were mentioned in this episode, and I will see you again here next Tuesday for another episode. Bye everyone.